Saturday, August 11, 2012

Granny stole my liquor!

I was sitting in my living room, chilling on the couch, watching some mindless something or other on the telly and holding my baby. My mom walked in the room with a paper bag. And we all know...Paper bags hold awesome things, liquor.

*Side note....I don't know why people put liquor in paper bags. Is it because you're ashamed? Is the bottle ashamed? * whispers* everyone knows what's in the paper're not fooling anyone!

Back to the story...

So my Granny is sitting on the couch with me. She busts out a bottle of wine...and drinks it one big chug. And then my mom handed me a bottle...a bottle so awesome words can't describe, well ok...I suppose they can,
 It was square, tall and filled with a creamy liquid. The label said "Creamy Schnapps" It looked like chocolate milk, but smelled like pumpkins ( I know...weird)
As I was ready to take a small swig to taste it, my Granny, yoinked it out of my hands, and 1,2,3,4 gulps, it was gone. My mouth dropped open. Partially because I was impressed, but mostly cause GRANNY JUST STOLE MY LIQUOR!
I was about to say something, or smack the ol' girl...but she was so full of alcohol I doubt it would do any good, other than make my hand sting, and her dentures fly across the room. Which I would have to retrieve anyways, cause her back is bad. ......

Then I woke up.
Yes, I'm sorry to say, this was all a dream. A weird, twisted, bizarre dream.
A: I don't have a Granny...they both went to the Bar in the Sky long ago. This one didn't even look like them at all. She was a stereo-typical granny. White curly hair, wearing one of those nightgowns, that can double as a dress when she needs to run to the store for Vicks vapor Rub ( Cause Grandma's always have that shit in their cupboards) In fact I'm pretty sure it was Betty White. Which would probably explain the drinking, cause that woman kicks ass.
B: I wouldn't be drinking with a baby on my lap! I would wait until the baby was down for a nap..geez.
C: You might think me to be a violent person, due to the wanting to slap my dream granny...well...I am...and I totally would have!! You don't just take someone's Creamy Schnapps! I don't even think that exists. But it should! The price tag said $16.95, so it had to have been good! that a lot? I don't drink on a normal basis...but apparently that's what my subconscious thinks Creamy Schnapps would cost.

Now I want Creamy Schnapps.....stupid subconscious.....

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