So if any of you have read my ramblings before, you know I'm terrified of spiders.
I know...I live in the North West, you'd think I'd be over it by now...but nope. This things come out in hoards in the Summer time...which is one of the main reasons why I despise Summer. I'll take Fall/Winter overt this any day. The rain, wind, overcast-y-ness...yes that's a word. I'm declaring it so right now. And it's on the internet, and we all know the internet doesn't lie!
Back to my spider. Well last night Guinevere found one in her room, that was the size of a AA battery. I'm sure you're thinking "well that's not very big at all" Oh yeah..pull one out, look at it, and tell me if you had a spider sized battery...it would be huge. AND it was green! WTF? So now I'm convinced it was either a Zombie spider, one I killed before, and is back to seek it's revenge! Or it was the Yoda of it's tribe, wise, and old. Or Kermit, Oscar the grouch? There's too many green things to choose from, anyways, we screamed and ran away from it, looking for things to kill it with, and by the time we got back in the room, POOF, it was gone. GREAT. So now Yoda, Kermit, Oscar, Zombie spider is wandering around looking for me.
AND just now I went in my room to go to bed, set everything up, got the baby in her bed, turned on my side table light, my fan ( cause if I don't have wind blowing in my face I won't get air, and at that point I can't breathe, and then I feel like I'm dying, and that mixed with the heat...it's just easier for everyone if I leave the fan in my face) got my book, made the bed up...and then left to go pee. Sorry for the graphics, but I feel like every detail is important! Got back in my room to do...something....OH water bottle ( I suppose I'm OCD when it comes to bed time rituals...but it's mostly cause I'm tired as shit and once I get in bed, I'm not getting out...unless my bladder tells me otherwise, but he's the only one that gets to) (also apparently my bladder is a man...weird...moving on)
Sitting ON my fan, was a gnarly, brown, hairy, spider. Ok it might not have been hairy...but my brain saw hair. And when I say ON my fan, I don't mean up top, trying to mess with the controls, cause he's a friend of Zombie Spider and wants revenge on me. I mean ON, as in....the wind that was coming from my fan was blowing THROUGH the spider....so I'm only left to assume it was a she, and she was old, and maybe suffering from Menopause, heat flashes and all. Or like me, and hates this Summer crap, and was trying to cool off.
Do Spiders get hot? Weird....anyways I grabbed my book from the table, and smooshed it! SCORE! However, now there are spider guts in my fan...but I would rather that, than the real thing. I'm leaving it there for now. Mainly as a sign to other spiders, You don't mess with me. Mostly cause I'm lazy, and would rather sleep. However, I'm at an impasse, cause now I'm out in the living room, typing this up, procrastinating my ass off, cause I don't want to go back into the room.
Also.....a giant Mothra sized Moth just flew at my face, and I kung-fu'd it away....it's sitting on my wall staring at me...so I'm going to act like nothing is wrong, I don't notice it. And back away slowly....wish me luck!
I wrote a post last night about the spider I saved my girlfriend and our roommate from. On the upside it was a daddy long legs, which actually eats other spiders, so technically its on your side.
ReplyDeleteAlso, people who are afraid of spiders see them as bigger than they actually are.