Friday, November 25, 2011
But being off balance, having swollen feet, sore back, chronic exhaustion, stretch marks ( on top of the ones I already had) Bigger boobs ( which was DEFINITELY not on my bucket list) and the mind of an 80 - year old Alzheimer's patient....is the fine print of pregnancy no one speaks of. Like Voldemort, or Fight Club.
The first rule of pregnancy, is not to talk about pregnancy. Or "The fine print that shall not be named"
I know my life is about to change...drastically. No sleep, covered in spit up, changing diapers, late nights, early mornings, having to carry 10x my weight in car seat and diaper bag anytime I want to go out for a quick run to the store, cause God forbid, you be without ONE thing they may need! It'll all be worth it!
Today was Thanksgiving. I spent it with my family. Well...I live with my family, so it really wasn't any different than any other day in the house, except, the mood was different. Everyone was happy ( for the most part) there was no fighting ( again...for the most part) We did the traditional watching of the parade, and Football game, then waiting patiently for dinner to finally get to the table so we could scarf down all we could, in the smallest amount of time possible, leaving behind a schmorgazboard (yeah...YOU try to spell that one) of leftovers that we'll consume for weeks to come! And a lot of times I caught myself thinking
"The next Thanksgiving we have...we'll have a 11 month old" and it blew my mind. I can't wait to share family traditions with her, having her sit and get excited over the gigantic balloons in the parade! Teaching her to scream "Touchdown" at all the wrong times, but that's ok, cause it'll be adorable and no one will care. Filling her plate to the brim with food and watching her make the mess, of all messes with the mashed potatoes, getting marshmallow's (from the candied yams) in her hair, smearing cranberry sauce all over her high chair!
And the tradition will carry on, onto the next day, where we head downtown for the annual Tree Lighting Ceremony in Pioneer Courthouse Square! It's so much fun ( when there isn't a terrorist threat of a bomb ) to watch the choir sing Xmas carols, to see the kids' eyes light up when Santa gets on stage and tells all the boys and girls he's happy to see them there. Leading all the way into the countdown to the tree lighting! It's freezing, usually raining, packed full of people, but....it's fun. And it's a tradition, that I can't wait to share with a new member of our family!
This is the time of year when you start to think about money, mainly because you want to buy gifts for people. And although, that's not what the true meaning of the season is...it means a lot to me, to be able to see people open gifts I give them on Xmas morning. With the baby coming, I know things are going to be super tight, more so than they are now. But I know, she'll have the basic things that a child needs ( diapers, a place to sleep, food, clothing) and she'll have some not so basic, but well needed things that a child needs as well ( tons of love, a big sister who can't wait until she can teach her things, and be a part of her life, loads of memories, etc..) and for that...I am thankful.
Thank you to all my friends and family, that have come through for us. I know we brought this upon ourselves ( as we've been told, it wasn't wise to choose to have a baby in the situation we're in) but ya know what...at least at this point, I know who my true friends are. The ones that don't judge, the ones that are standing by us, and helping where they can with what they can. Everything ( even the smallest gesture) is greatly appreciated, and will be used with love, and thanks.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
We have a baby on the way, as most of you know. We don't however, have a bankroll, like most people think you should have when having a child. Yes, we probably should have more money than we do ( which is anything) but we're getting by on what we can, friends helping out, as well as using my brain to find deals, and get help, where help is offered.
Every once in a while, I will click the linky putter inner box thing ( y'all know what I'm talking about) and my fingers will do a little dance on the keyboard. Before I know it, I'm whisked away to Portland, OR Craigslist. The cursor instinctively goes to the FOR SALE section and clicks the FREE tab. I start to scroll...hoping that I will find that ONE treasure in all of Criagslist land. That ONE thing you're specifically there looking for. It will be in the free section and when I write an email to the "Seller" I will get a fast response, at which point I will jump in my van, and drive to the location given to me in the responding email ( like a secret mission sent to me by the head of a secret division of the government) I will get to said location, vacate the car, walk up to the door, where I will be greeted by happy, helpful people, with smiles on their faces, and warmth in their hearts. I will get my "goods" and head back home, happy, and feeling successful. Ready to jump back onto the magical website, to locate more treasures.
However...that is not how it goes. Ever. Ok...maybe once or twice, I have gotten lucky, and have been able to find what I'm looking for.
What usually happens is, I will log in, click the link for FREE things, where I'm hounded by ads for free concrete ( who really ever says THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR!!) random things found in a basement/garage/attic etc, old couches, some mattresses (with questionable stains), etc. Sometimes, I will miraculously see what I'm looking for, the ad looks too good to be true (because it usually is) so I'll write to the "Seller" letting them know my situation, as though there is some secret contest the person is holding. I'll click send, and sit, and wait....and wait...and wait...sometimes for days. Now one of three things will happen.
#1 This ad was true, I was the first person to write in response to the ad, they will respond with the address and a time where I can pick up the stuff. Commense above fantasy of a Mission:Impossible scenario.
#2 I won't hear anything. Ever. It's like my email went into oblivion. Email Limbo.
#3 (this one is my favorite) I WILL get a response. From someone who is soo sorry that they didn't see my email, they already told someone they could have the articles they were trying to get rid of, so I can have them if I still want them. At which point, I'll say yes, only to get another response, apologizing because the first person ended up coming through, but if I am in a tough spot, I can click this amazing link, that will take me to a website, where I can sign up for a work at home job.
First of all...don't try to sell me your bullshit about a "work at home" job. If you're going to scam people into thinking you have something for free, then lets put up a FREE TV, or FREE VIDEO GAME SYSTEM. Not baby items. Not household goods. Not things that people in need...need. That's low. Get my hopes up! "OMGosh I found that THING I was looking for...maybe, just maybe it'll be mine" and them BAM...more scam link crap that I can find anywhere on the internet...however...was NOT looking for here! Sell your crap to someone else.
Second...If you have an ad up. And you get rid of the stuff. Either A: Take the ad down, it no longer exists or B: write the people back that wrote to you, and let them know, it's gone. It's the least you can do.
I get sick of the free section for a while...so I try the actual BABY&KIDS selling link. At that point, I feel like throwing my hands up in the air, giving up on society and people in general.
You want HOW much for a USED car seat?? $75? A used Crib? $200? Bottles? $50 Give me a break. Your child spit up in, peed in, pooped in, sweated in, dropped their bottle in these things (aside from the bottle, but you know what I mean) and you want me to pay MORE than I would for the same thing, but new?
When did people become all about money? When did help fly out the window? I know I'll have stuff left over after Riley is too big for it. And I plan on turning around and helping someone out that needs it. Not saying the item I've been using is worth over $100! Because...I'M NOT INSANE!
And after all that, the blood pressure raising. The headache, the stress....I keep going back to the site.
Because maybe...just maybe....that one treasure WILL be there. The One time I don't check.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
It is simply...the BEST store bought cookies I have ever tasted, and I'm not just saying that cause I'm "supposed to" frankly, they like when you don't like a product, cause that means you're being honest!
Well one of the things I'm supposed to do for my Bzzing is to write a blog post about these amazing morsels of deliciousness! And so..I figured, I would use that as my excuse to get my daily blog out of the way! :)
So here I am, chatting about these cookies!
Anyways, they're inexpensive, and tasty....I'm usually a chips ahoy chick, but now....I think I've converted lol
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
It has been one FUBAR day.
I'm just at my witts end. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I keep telling myself to breathe. Take one day at a time. But what do you do when that one day turns into a week, that turns into a month and before you know it...your whole life.
I want to give my kids a good life. Help them grow into great adults. What they choose to do with their life is up to them. So long as they're happy, I'll be happy. But I can't help but question if I would want them to have my life...and the answer is no.
Sure I have an amazing husband, who loves us very much, and would do anything to make sure we're safe. And although people keep putting him down and making him feel like he's 2 inches tall, he still stands proud, and marches on, proving them all wrong, one hypocrite at a time. I have an amazing daughter, who I would do anything for. She's my buddy, my rock. My sane in this world of insane. And I have another one on the way. I love being a mom. And yeah...I guess I would be happy if they end up having what i have in life. Love.
But all in all, this world is a confusing, scary ass place. I hope I can be all that I want for my girls. And not be, what I don't want. Days like today scare me.....is that what I'll become? I hope not. My husband and friends and children, deserve way better. And if I do become what I fear most in life....you have my permsission to shank me.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
So today, Clackamas Town Center is giving away FREE $10 gift cards so long as you get the invintation and are willing to stand in line praying they still have them when you get up to the counter. However, I am so broke, I can't afford the gas to get out to the mall to claim my free gift card. *sigh*
I hate being this broke. I know it can't last forever, and eventually things will look up. But I feel like we've been dealing with this forever.
Xmas is my favorite holiday. The lights, the smells, the warm beverages, the music. And I love buying gifts for people I care about. Vince even told Guin the other day, that mommy can always figure out some way to give people gifts for the holidays. Which is true. I can usually pull something together. One year I turned to Craigslist, asking people for help, if they had any extra toys or decorations laying around. And the response was overwhelming. Guin was had so many gifts, she got bored of opening them and continued for days after Xmas. This year is proving harder. I have NO extra money. There's layaway but how would I pay the bill? I've sold everything I can think of to sell.
I know the holidays aren't about presents, but its what I love about it. Giving them. That $10 gift card would've been a big help, but like I said...I have no gas to get out there.
Not only are the holidays around the corner, but we have a baby on the way. And although (thanks to my friends and family) we have a lot of stuff we need, its still scary to think of the fact we have no money.
I can't help but think the universe is slapping us in the face. And I don't know why. We are good people, at least...I like to think so. So I don't know what to do. This is the most helpless situation I've ever been in. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that something good happens soon, but my fingers are starting to cramp up. I guess I should just let go, and let be, and stop trying to push something into happening. Just let it happen. But how long does one wait before I spiral into depression....or insanity?
Friday, November 11, 2011
I have absolutely nothing to say....I know...I'm being quite boring as of late. But we still have no internet, and sitting in front of the computer typing is a hell of a lot easier than trying to type this all out via my cell phone. Today has been...well....uneventful. I'm still sick, and haven't taken the time to relax so I can try to get better. But the house is clean, and laundry is done, so I'm going to force myself to be lazy tomorrow. Hopefully there'll be something good on the telly that will hold myattention, because with the internet out, my netflix isn't there either. If all else fails, I have almost every episode of Good Eats on the computer, and I can plug in my jump drive, put some on, and transfer to my tv so I can spend the day with Alton.
Ok, I'm going to go fight fatigue while catching up on some dvr and hinting to the hubby that I want a foot rub....we'll see how that turns out lol
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
I'm posting a quick one because I don't want a night to go by without me posting. I really don't have much to talk about, I'm sleepy...and don't feel good! We lost our internet and so its a little hard to type up a long interesting blog on my phone! Ugh...oh well.....if all goes acording to plan, we will be getting Comcast, which makes me very happy! :) ok....goodnight!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Years ago, you could sit me in front of a computer. I would stare at the black DOS screen (yes, I'm that old) and a blinking curser, and know exactly what I wanted to do! Type in some cool magical command and I was off into some game which I thought was amazing, it had very little graphics, and cheesy ass fun "music"...and I was entertained for hours.
Today...we lost our internet. And now my (almost) new computer sits on my desk....useless. *poof* its now one of the most expensive paper weights in the world! I sit and stare at it, clicking icons that take me to screens that say "cannot open, no internet". I could mess around on paint. I could dink around on itunes, I could play solitare.....b-b-but what if I think of a song I don't have that I want to download. Or if I want to update my facebook status, so I have an excuse not to clean, or if I think of something that I could look up in a book, but would rather use the speed of Google Chrome?? This day in age, what is a computer good for....if it has no internet?
Until we fix you....Rest In Peace old friend.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
I am home now. I missed everyone so it's nice to be home. But I do miss Chrissie!
We had a great time and I'm thankful for it!
Tonight, I'm taking a shower, putting on my PJ's and curling up in bed to get some sleep. Every since I got home, I have been feeling under the weather. My stomach is upset, my throat is hurting, I'm not sure what's up, maybe it was something that was staying dormant because I was having fun and keeping busy, and now that I'm being calm again, I'm getting sick! Good God I hope not. I have a busy day tomorrow of Doctor Appointments, and going grocery shopping! I swear my blogs will be back on track and more thought out soon. I've been busy and wanted to make sure I stuck with the promise I was going to do this all month!
By the magic of Daylight Savings Time I technically still have an extra hhour in which to post my daily blog!
Today was my birthday! It was an amazing day, in which I didn't do much...but I got to spend it with my best friend/sister. I'm down in Grants Pass Oregon, about a 4 hour drive South from Portland. A place where if I had the money and resources, I would probably move to in a heartbeat. Its just so pretty down here!
Well for my birthday I woke up at the butt crack of dawn, and got ready because we were going out to hit up some yard sales with Chrissies mom. My second mom in life! We drove to Medford where we metup with Gloria, and took off on a cold, wet adventure! Didn't find too much, Gloria bought me a new-ish carseat for the baby, as well as some clothes! Then we got doughnuts and came back to the apartment. Chrissie made Cillantro/Lime Pesto Chicken Tacos....and they were delicious! Then we spent the whole day having a scary movie-a-thon, and spending time together. Something we don't get to do near as often as I like!
I'm heading back home tomorrow. Which is bitter sweet. Cause I can't wait to hug my baby girl and hubby and tell them all about my trip, but I will once again miss Chrissie! Once we get on our feet and have some money, it'll be easier to come see her, but right now, as long as we have our phones, the internet and pen/paper/stamps in which to write to each other, we will always be in close touch!
Between the Baby Shower and my Birthday this trip has been amazing and I thank my sister from the bottom of my heart for doing this for me!!
Friday, November 4, 2011
I got some new clothes, and blankets for Riley, and a TON of diapers!
Including this awesome Diaper Cake that Trish made!
Tomorrow is my Birthday, and we get to go yard saling, and Chrissie is making me Lime Tacos!! Hell yeah! So I will tell you all about that tomorrow!!
Goodnight for now!!!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
People today need reality checks, in the form of bumper taps!
Like, take for instance my peeve with people who think they own a parking lot. And mind you, im not speaking of the guy in the escalade, or Dodge Ram truck...im speaking of pedestrians. I have countless times, almost ran over someone, not because of my incompetince, but because they just step right off the curb, and into the path of an oncomming car. Why? Because WE STOP! Just once, I would love to drive through a parking lot, have some cocky prick step in front of my car with that smug look on their face....just so I can hit them. Not maim, murder or run them over even, just tap them, in the shins with my bumper. I'll stop....but just a little shy. Oops...im sorry sir, maybe next time you'll think twice about walking into traffic, seeing as how this is a PARKING lot...and not a WALKING lot.
To the people who see my car pulling out of a parking space, and FLY behind me, blaring thier horn like im the idiot for backing up and almost hitting them....I'd like to bumper tap them!
To the people who cross in a crosswalk, see you're waiting for them to cross before you complete your turn....and take their time! Its like they walk as slowly as humanly possible, without even the slightest hint at a hurried pace...they need a bumper tap.
Bike riders, now dont get me wrong, they deserve to be on the road, go you for not polluting the air and being "green"...but ya know that lane, on the side of the road, with the little bike man in it...thats yours! You dont belong in MY lane!....bumper tap!
Even if we dont ever do it, the next time youre out in your car and someone pisses you off...just imagine the look on their face had you bumper tapped them....sometimes that alone makes it all worth it!
I am sitting patiently waiting for my Sister to get here!
I am going to Grants Pass, OR for the weekend! I have a second baby shower on Friday, and Saturday is my Birthday! I get to spend it with one of my favorite people in the whole world!
Even if all we do is sit on our asses, and watch movies, it will be an amazing vacation!
The car ride down there alone will be a blasty blast! I got some fun playlist's to burn, mostly songs that I'm embarrassed to say I like...you know the ones...we all have them. You're driving down the street, blasting some teeny bopper song, or horrible a 80's ballad, belting your best impression of the singer out when you come to a red light. You know how to tell you are embarrassed to be listening to the music you are listening to??....you've turned down the music, just in case the person next to you has their window down just a little bit. Yeah, I have a entire playlist's with THAT kind of music! Only...when we're together, I don't care about what other people think...because we're having fun! Once...we pulled up next to a car full of scary thugger guys, as we were blasting Fergie...we just kept on-a-rappin' lol we got some weird looks, and some laughs..but we didn't get shot, and that was a bonus!
We always have some adventure together and I'm thankful that she's going out of her way , to drive all the way up here to pick my broke ass up, so I can enjoy a weekend away...just relaxing and having a good time with my Sister
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
I'm happy with this year's theme. Last year, in November, I had to write a novel. Well....I didn't HAVE to, I chose to. But after week one, I was over it. I'm not great at writing stories. I'm better at putting my own thoughts down onto paper, or in this case, blog post.
But I think that's why I love writing scripts. I can have a conversation with myself, and no one thinks any different. The conversations can change from day to day, and it works...cause that's how it's supposed to flow.
The same goes with this. Someday's I'm funny as hell ( well I like to think so), I repeat my thoughts to my husband at times, and he laughs at me...but in a good way. Someday's I'm low, depressed, and would like to have an "out" (so I pre-apologize for any depressed postings) but once again, I can type what I'm thinking, on a day to day basis, and be happy with it! I can be me, and express everything I'm thinking, and not worry about what people are thinking.
I try to respect people on my social sites (i.e. Don't post anti-religious stuff, because I know I have friends on here who are religious etc...) But here, in this Blog area..FUCK IT...I'm using this as my soundboard! Don't like it? There is a nifty little red X up in the right hand corner of this screen...click it...And Boom...I'm gone! :)
So I'm going to try my damnedest to stick with this challenge this month. There's no reason I can't. With technology the way it is nowadays, I have this very blog app on my phone, and can blog on the go if I feel the need...or see something worth posting ( with a pic of course) I have a laptop, and a desktop computer. I have paper and pens for when I have thoughts come my way, and for some reason I'm stranded on a desert island, and don't have electricity or a Wi-Fi signal, or...a phone charger! ( God what would the world be like without all that??) There are absolutely no excuses why I can't stick with this, this month, and by George....I'm gonna!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Tonight was Halloween.
Well it still is, but since the pumpkin carving, candy getting, trick or treating is done, it's considered over for another 365 days.
As Guinevere was frolicking, from one house to the next with loads of "Trick or treats" and "Thank you"s, I was carelessly following behind, like a faithful puppy, waiting for her bucket to get just a little bit heavy, at which point she would dump her loot into my secret loot bag,
so A: she didn't have such a heavy load and
B: people felt sorry that she didn't have much candy, and would fork over more!
There were tons of kids, dressed up as witches, goblins, even Link and Mario were running around. Laughing and playing, as more parents followed behind. Most parents had friends/significant other's with them, to chat with, so that they weren't bored off their asses while the kids were playing gleefully. We all nodded friendly "hello"s to each other, as we passed, complimented each other's children's costumes, and laughed along with each other, when some cute child dressed up to the 9's, would biff it walking down a slippery slope back to mommy.
However...there was one mother, who if given the chance, I would've slapped the crap out of, just to get her to shut up for 2 seconds. She happened to be at every house we were, even if we took off in opposite directions. She was constantly screaming at her kids "stop running" "make this quicker, I don't want to be out here until 9 o'clock just for you to get some candy" "Shut up, and stop asking questions" "You're walking too slow" "Stop being children"! Ok...that last one was made up, but frankly, that's what she might as well have been saying.
Granted...I don't know her children. They could have been Satan spawn for all I know, however....ONE night a year, you have to get off your ass, walk around the block a few times, to let your children be....kids, trick or treating, while you keep an eye out and make sure they don't get kidnapped, maimed, mauled or killed, all while trying to have a little fun yourself, and saying the occasional "Thank you" and "Happy Halloween" to the homeowners that are giving your kids free candy.
My ass was out there...8 months pregnant, a bladder the size of a peanut, back hurting, muscles ( I didn't know I had) throbbing....my ass better look amazing tomorrow! Feet swollen, exhausted from pure...exhaustion...AND I'm out of shape. Yet I had a blast knowing that Guin was having fun, knowing that she was being a kid, making memories, smiling, laughing. When she looks back on her childhood, I want her to have happy memories! I feel sorry for that woman's children. I hate to think about what they're going to remember from their childhood.
I guess this rambling is of just pure annoyance. Why have children? There are plenty of people out there who would KILL to be able to have the Halloween experience with children, they cannot have. To be able to hold their hands, and take them door to door, with a sense of pride, that, that's their baby.
When I see people in a store, at the park or trick or treating, with their kids, and all that comes out of their mouth, is hateful, mean things, with such spite in their voice...I just want to walk up to them and ask.....
Why are you a parent?